i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
