Don't you send me to vm
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
