I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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