JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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