You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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