I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
