i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
