Tell her she can't have a vagina
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
