I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
