I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
