right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
