I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
