He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
