He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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