The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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