he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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