Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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