my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
