chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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