We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
