I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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