Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
