I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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