this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
