Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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