dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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