the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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