garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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