I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
