And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
