Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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