Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
