Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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