What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize