I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
