How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just cut my nipple shaving
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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