he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
