): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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