My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
