my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
