you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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