I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
