There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
