remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
