Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
