somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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