I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Soap is not a condiment
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize