i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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