This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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