I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize