Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
