Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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