I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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