she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
