Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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