my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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