im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
