im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
that is very illegal...i love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
