She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
