I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
