DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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