remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
