Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
