I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
