so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there is glitter all over my balls
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
