ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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