4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
