her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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