you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
