I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
