and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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