if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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