i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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