He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
