Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
