No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
