apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
