I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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