From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
